The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

How great are those pictures! Todd had to be smiling down on Cash with the HUGEST Grin. Cash has been to a Jazz game before...but this was his first time in a while...and his first time really "getting" it and being excited. Toby wanted to make it special so he text his friend Alema who commentates the games and told him we'd be there. Alema right away told Tob to bring him up at halftime. So that's what we did. And right when Alema and Thurl Bailey saw us they walked right over to Toby gave him a half hug over the gate, shook Cash's hand and told the security guys to let us right through. How cool is that? Cash was so dang cute! He got to sit right in between them and take pics and they were just so good to him. Love good guys like this. Pretty cool to see Cash in the same position as Todd and Toby have been. Guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.

Thanksgiving 2013

Obviously this Thanksgiving was a little different for us this year. Not only was it Thanksgiving, a week after Todd passed, but it was also Todd and Kathy's anniversary. I can only imagine how Kathy was feeling. We weren't sure how to do Thanksgiving, neither of us felt like cooking much so we weren't sure whether we should go out to dinner, have it catered, go to someone's house or what...but after much deliberating both Kath and I decided that we could do it together.  So that's what we did! And it turned out just lovely. It was so nice to be in that home together. It was a wonderful meal, we had a wonderful time watching home videos and going through pictures of Todd, and it was just really peaceful and relaxing. Of course tears were shed and it was difficult setting a place for him at the table and feeling the emptiness there, but we were together and had much to be grateful for. After Kathy's later that night we loaded the kids in the car and took off to Logan. This year we thought it would be fun to spend the night there to make it easier to get Christmas trees in the morning. NEW TRADITION! We had such a good time! We stopped by Joel and Tessas to do some "first Christmas gifts" and play games and eat and let the kids play...then we just went back to the hotel and watched movies. I love my little family. Getting trees this year was comparitively easy other than Tate wanting to be in the snow but kept face planting it. The Wimmer Christmas party was a success again...one of my favorites of the whole year. One thing we will never forget is Tate on the mic. Someone left the microphone on the ground and everyone, especially Toby, got such a kick out of Taters picking up and loving the sound of his voice in the mic. Pretty cute. All in all it was a great Thanksgiving and again just feeling very grateful for so much.

The BOYS Birthdays

So I think I wrote it somewhere before but if I didn't Todd passed away on Toby's birthday and his funeral was on Saturday which was Cash's birthdays. Not the best celebration for these boys but of course it wasn't an issue. But I didn't want them to be completely ignored either. It was hard to know what to do because none of us felt like celebrating. But after the funeral, since it was actually Cash's birthday and he's only 6 we felt like we needed to at least acknowledge it somehow. My dad had reserved the institute weeks before so we just told everyone to grab there own dinners and we'd have dessert and just  let the kids play. Easy peasy.  Everyone was so good to us. They went to the store and got Cash little gifts and of course tried to include Toby too. It was nice to smile a bit and share a little bit of happiness with all the grieving going on. We cancelled Cash's birthday party with his little friends which we had been planning and he was so looking forward to it so I told everyone we would do it a week later. Again...not my best work because we just didn't feel like doing much, but we had already made the light sabers, labels, bought the food, and I just didn't do a whole lot more. But you know what....CASH LOVED IT. And thats all the matters. We had "Han Burgers, Seven Leia Dip, Yoda Soda, Dark Side Donutes , han solo in carbonite, luke sky water, Obi-won kabobs..." and more. The boys were so happy earning their Jedi Knight certificates and everything worked out okay.

I asked Toby once everything quieted down how he was going to handle having the day his dad passed  on his birthday year after year...and Toby being the positive person he was told me he was going to look at it like a blessing. A day to SHARE with his Dad. I love him so much. It'll be a tradition to visit Todd's grave on his birthday and celebrate TWO lives. We miss him very much.

Tate's Stitches

I CAN NOT believe it. I CAN NOT believe that I have been a mother for 8 plus years and have never had a child with a broken bone or stitches until the morning of Todd's Viewing. THAT's when my baby decides stitches are in order. What a mess I was. Trying to get showered ready and get the kids all dressed and ready and get there early enough to practice the kids song for the funeral, having a million things on my mind, already an emotional mess. I've got Tate next to me in the bathtub trying to get him cleaned up while I'm blow drying my hair and he slips while standing up. He's done it a million times but this time he slips and hits his eye in just the right spot and pop. I immediately knew he was going to need stitches and with my emotions already all over the place I just lost it. I started screaming for Toby, and basically let him take over from there. He called our dr's office and begged them to just let us bring him there. I called Jami Hodges balling and she came right on over and took care of him while I got somewhat put together and she watched the other kids while we ran him in. Cami Goff was the dr. that took care of him and I seriously considered writing her an apology note after to let her know why I was such a wreck. Tate wasn't even crying that much but I had a hard time keeping it together. Especially when they put him in that straight jacket and put the sheet over his eye. BRUTAL. But afterwards when we got in the car he was such a sweetheart and really made it easier on his mother. I love this little boy. Looking back it all worked out okay and we got there on time. Just a little extra story we can look back and remember with a smile someday.

Afterthoughts

I wonder how long it is really going to take for this to sink in. Every time my thoughts turn to Todd my heart aches and my body kind of goes numb. It hurts. And if I think about how much I hurt I can only imagine how much Toby is hurting. And Kathy. And Tory and his family, and TJ and Teren. We miss him so much. We miss both his loud outgoing personality and his quiet pensive one. The kids miss playing charades with him and calling him on the phone to tell him about one of their accomplishments. He always got so excited. That's why it was always so fun to give him gifts. He made you feel like you picked out the most absolute perfect thing for him. I look back and think about how wonderful everyone around us was to us. Our family, friends, neighbors, ward members....everyone took such amazing care of us. Toby and I have discussed on numerous occasions how it make us want to be better people and do more things for others. This event has changed us in so many ways. Heavenly Father has a plan for us. For each of us. He knows what we need before we know what we need. Sometimes our will doesn't line up with his and its in these moments that our faith is really tried. Being willing to have the faith not to be healed. Being willing to say not my will but thine be done. And then turning to our Heavenly Father and our Savior for the peace and comfort that we need during our difficult moments. I imagine that we will be doing that for a long long time...forever. Oh how we miss him!!!!!